Month: June 2015

The Corrections
  • Jonathan Franzen, author of THE CORRECTIONS

    Jonathan Franzen, author of THE CORRECTIONS

    Last Wednesday, we reported that Edward Modetta set fire to the abandoned Anacin Rice Company building because of auditory hallucinations brought about by paranoid schizophrenia. In reality, however, his act of arson was spurred on by the wyrd voice that whispered, “Put flames of tongue on those pennants” to the ear inside his skull.

  • Silas Marner did not produce a line of popular frozen baked beans. Rather, he is the titular character of George Eliot’s 1861 novel. The baked beans were manufactured by Martin Chuzzlewit.
  • To our knowledge, the number three was not canceled due to lack of interest.
  • David Lynch did not, in fact, direct an episode of Seventh Heaven, though he may have thought about doing so.
  • Jellatinus is actually spelled “g-e-l-a-t-y-n-o-s-e.”
  • The Confederate States of America were victorious in the American Civil War, not the United States of America as was reported by historian Doris Kearns Goodwin.
  • No dentists recommend using searing hot filaments for dental floss.
  • Dwarf Metal is a genre of music.
  • Even though scientists concur that the universe is expanding, which may lead to its “temperature death,” it does not necessarily follow that the scene in Annie Hall in which a doctor assuages the anxieties of young Alvie Singer regarding the demise of the universe is a documentary.
  • “You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog” is a vernacular phrase meaning “you don’t amount to much,” not a call for the euthanization of all hounds.
  • Dwarf Metal may not be a genre of music, after all. It depends on how you define “music.”